What a first online session is actually like

Plan to be somewhere you can be private for the hour. That might mean a spare room, your car, or a quiet corner of your home. Use a space where you are comfortable and unlikely to be interrupted.

Think about the camera angle and lighting. A device at eye level and a softly lit room tend to feel less imposing than a low camera or a very bright light behind you. You do not need any special equipment - a smartphone, tablet or laptop will work.

Have your device charged or plugged in, and keep your wifi or mobile signal in mind. If your connection is unreliable, you could move closer to your router or use mobile data. If you worry about a dropout, you can agree a back-up plan with the counsellor - for example, to try reconnecting or to switch to a phone call.

Some people like to bring notes. A short list of topics or questions can be helpful if you think you may get blank under pressure. Other people prefer to use the session for speaking without notes. Either approach is fine; you do not need to prepare a script.

The session often starts with a brief practical check. Your counsellor may check your name, check that you are alone and that the audio and video are working. They will usually explain how they work in sessions and answer any immediate questions you have about confidentiality, recording or practicalities.

You may have filled in some paperwork beforehand, such as a contact form or consent notes. If not, there may be a short conversation at the start to cover that. This part is simply to make sure you both know what to expect in the hour.

After the practical opening, the counsellor will often invite you to say what brought you today. This is usually an open question - for example, you might be asked what you would like to focus on or how things have been for you recently.

Many people find this helpful because it allows you to start where you feel able. Some people begin with a short summary. Others start in the middle of a story. Many people say it feels strange to be asked such an open question. That strangeness is normal and your counsellor will not expect a neat answer.

There is often a moment in a first session where you do not know what to say. You may notice silence. That is a normal part of the process. You can say you are unsure, or you can simply sit with the silence for a moment. The counsellor will not rush you.

If you cry, that is also a normal human response. Counsellors are used to that and will usually pause, check how you are, and let you take the time you need. You do not have to apologise for tears. You might find a glass of water or a tissue helpful. If you need a short break you can ask for one.

If the internet drops or the call lags, your counsellor will usually wait a short while and try to reconnect. If reconnection fails, you can both agree whether to reschedule or continue by phone. These practical interruptions do not mean the session has not mattered.

The final ten minutes are often used to reflect on the hour and to agree next steps. This might be another appointment, a pause while you think, or a short signposting of other options. The counsellor may ask how the session felt for you and whether you want to continue with them.

It is perfectly normal for the first meeting to end with the two of you deciding that you are not the right fit. Many people expect an instant match and are surprised when it does not feel right. Choosing not to continue with a particular counsellor is not a failure. It is a reasonable decision about what will be most helpful for you.

People often have small practical worries that feel silly to mention. You can ask about clothing. There is no required dress code; wear whatever helps you feel at ease. If you have a pet, you can decide whether you want it in the room.

You can ask whether sessions are recorded and how your counsellor keeps notes. You can ask about payment, cancellation, and what happens if you are late. These are all normal questions. Your counsellor will be used to answering them and you are entitled to clear information.

If you want to look at other counsellors afterwards, the site lists what each counsellor names about themselves. You can browse /therapists/ and you may find the page /how-to-choose/ helpful if you would like some pointers on what to compare on profiles. Checking a register or asking about professional membership is something many people do; it takes a minute and is a normal part of choosing.

Feeling anxious before a first session is understandable. Some people find it easier than they expected, and some people find it more difficult. Both reactions are common and valid.

This piece is not advice or diagnosis and a clinician who is actually talking to you is the person who can say what is right for you. If you feel you are in immediate danger or need urgent help, call 999. If you need someone to talk to in a moment of distress you can call Samaritans on 116 123.

If you decide to try another counsellor, remember that listings show what each counsellor names about themselves. You can use /therapists/ to browse profiles and /how-to-choose/ for guidance on what to look for. Taking the first step is often smaller than it feels at the start.